When parents divorce, children adjust better, during the breakup and thereafter, when they maintain a relationship with both parents.

Co-parenting after a separation or divorce means both parents play an active role in their children’s day-to-day lives, from having physical custody of the children to the major decision making responsibilities regarding the children.

Whether parents share joint custody of the children or one parent has primary custody, it is public policy in Texas to assure that children have frequent and continuing contact with parents who act in the best interest of those children. It is the job of co-parents to provide a safe, stable and nonviolent environment for the children and share in the rights and duties of raising their children after a separation or dissolved marriage.  Co-parenting is the ideal, unless there is some compelling reason not to have a parent involved in his or her children’s lives.

The keys to successful co-parenting are focusing on the child and the parents functioning together and communicating with each other. Yes, this is hard—really hard in some cases. It means that your own emotions—anger, resentment, or hurt—must take a back seat to the needs of your children.  Co-parenting is not about your feelings, or those of your ex-spouse, but rather about your child’s happiness, stability and future.

When parents work together for their well-being, children develop feelings of stability and feel more secure in their own lives, have more confidence and higher self-esteem, and are less likely to feel abandoned, torn between parents or need to meet the social and emotional needs of one or both parents.

So what makes a successful co-parenting arrangement? Here is what parents should do at that important juncture:

• Resolve conflicts without putting the children in the middle.
• Treat the other parent with respect.
• Establish boundaries with each other and respect those boundaries.
• Communicate regularly regarding the children and let the children know that you do so.
• Say positive things about the other parent in the presence of the children.
• Support the other parent’s decisions, even if you would not have made the same decision.
• Don’t allow all the parenting tasks to fall to one parent.
• Be consistent – to the extent possible – in disciplining, routine, and care of children.
• Help your children recognize the other parent with appropriate cards or gifts for special occasions.
• Support your child’s relationship with the other parent, AND the other parent’s family.And what may be most important, DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF!

(This speech by KoonsFuller attorney Kevin Fuller is the family law part of a presentation on collaborative law as the future of dispute resolution in Texas courts.)

War stories always involve a war. A nasty divorce resolved by a courthouse showdown can destroy the family, the family’s wealth and the family’s business. Sit down with any experienced family law trial lawyer and they’ll be able to tell you “war stories” of courtroom shootouts where a warring family ended up destroying the very wealth they were trying to divide. The worst of these divorce war stories end with a business or personal bankruptcy following a take no prisoners approach to a family’s divorce. When a divorce becomes a “war” there are many casualties.

Collaborative divorce – divide without destruction. There is a better way for families to divide their wealth in a divorce. That better way is called a collaborative law divorce. In a collaborative law divorce the parties stay out of the courthouse and focus on solving problems through business like negotiations versus assessing blame for problems in adversarial litigation.

Overview of the collaborative process. The collaborative process is a solution oriented settlement process that is both family friendly and business friendly. In the collaborative law process the parties and their lawyers sign a written agreement with five key components:

(1.) A commitment to settle if possible without going to court; (2.) A commitment to the full disclosure of financial and other information so that informed settlement decisions can be made; (3.) A commitment to focus on the future and solving problems instead of assessing blame and rehashing old marital arguments; (4.) A commitment to use jointly selected neutral experts when valuation, tax or accounting experts are needed or if specialized experts are needed to resolve issues concerning the children; and (5.) A commitment from the lawyers that they cannot and will not represent the parties in a courthouse battle if the process breaks down.

Collaborative law uses a “road map” to solve problems. When the parties work in the collaborative process they follow a problem solving method from the business world that provides a “road map.” The “road map” guides the parties through a logical step by step process that is designed to increase the chances of settlement and decrease the chances of emotional blow ups that often result in families tearing each other apart at the courthouse. In a nutshell this “road map” involves five basic steps:

(1.) An explanation of the ground rules for the process and the signing of a written collaborative law participation agreement; (2.) Determining what the parties’ shared and competing goals, interests and concerns are about the divorce, the business, the children and the division of property; (3.) Gathering, evaluating and sharing the necessary financial documentation and other information necessary to make informed choices about settlement; (4.) Brainstorming possible options and solutions to the parties’ disputes concerning their property or children; and (5.) Evaluating the available options and solutions and selecting the options and solutions that meet as many of the parties’ shared and competing goals as possible under the circumstances.

The collaborative process uses a “team” approach to solve problems. In addition to a business like step-by-step approach to dispute resolution, the collaborative process also often takes a “team” approach to solving problems. In many collaborative cases in addition to the parties and their two attorneys, the parties will jointly employ a neutral mental health professional and a neutral financial professional to help the parties in a more efficient manner get through the emotional and financial difficulties that confront almost all divorcing couples.

Under the team approach a neutral mental health professional serves as a “communications facilitator” and a neutral financial professional serves as a neutral financial expert for the case. The usual role of the neutral mental health professional is to manage the emotional issues of the case, keep the parties and lawyers communicating constructively and help the parties work through issues involving their children or other emotionally charged situations.

The usual role of the neutral financial expert is to gather, analyze and explain financial and tax information and prepare inventories, spreadsheets, budgets, income and expense projections and other similar financial tools. Additionally, financial professionals assist the parties in evaluating the short and long term financial effects of settlement options and help generate financial solutions and settlement options.

Collaborative neutrals help settle cases. Because the mental health and financial professionals used in the collaborative process are neutrals, they provide the negotiating process with a neutral voice throughout the process. Many times a solution can be seen or suggested by a neutral that cannot be seen by the parties who are engrossed in their own perspectives and positions. Additionally, sometimes a suggestion for resolving the dispute can be more easily heard by the parties when it comes from a neutral voice rather than one of the parties or their lawyers.

Having neutral professionals in the middle of the parties’ dispute as part of the collaborative process gives the conflict between the two sides in the negotiations somewhere to go – neutrals give the negotiating process a “middle”. Involving neutral professionals throughout the process is somewhat like having a mediator involved throughout the settlement process instead of just at the end of the process when emotions are frazzled and financial resources are dwindling.

Benefits of the collaborative process. There can be many benefits to working through a difficult divorce in the collaborative process. Benefits of the collaborative process include:

• Dividing the wealth of the family in a way that doesn’t destroy the source of that wealth or the family members in the process.
• Providing the parties and their business with a more private and confidential atmosphere than the traditional litigation process.
• Helping the parties reach financial solutions that are thoughtfully custom crafted to meet the needs of the family’s business interests as well as the parties interests versus a “one-size fits all” approach.
• Legal fees and professional expenses are more efficiently used, fees are spent solely on settlement efforts and not on procedural, evidentiary and other legal technicalities required in the litigation process – the process is far less expensive than contested litigation.
• Settlement conferences and meetings are scheduled when convenient for the parties instead of being centered around the lawyers schedule and the court’s busy docket.
• The collaborative process is less disruptive to the business person and their staff, clients and investors.
• The process can take weeks or months to accomplish a resolution versus years in the litigation process.
• The process can help parents carefully craft parenting plans to meet the unique needs of the children and their parents instead of relying on “cookie cutter” standard schedules and orders.
• The parties are much less likely to cause irreparable damage to family and business relationships than in contested litigation.

Denton, TX divorce and family law attorney Victor Rivera knows how difficult it can be to handle a military divorce, especially if the serviceman is deployed outside the country. A military veteran himself, Victor has been through a divorce in these circumstances. In this video, he explains the Serviceman’s Civil Relief Act and federal rules concerning income and other vital factors in a military divorce.

This appeal is a contest over property division. The main issues are

1. Whether a mediated settlement conveyed the husband’s partnership in companies or just assigned rights in his interests;
2. Whether contract law requirements – particularly a meeting of the minds – applies to enforcing a mediated settlement agreement, and;
3. Whether the divorce decree altered the settlement agreement by allegedly omitting substantive terms and conditions of the settlement.

Representing the petitioner was Jeff Kobs of Fort Worth. Rebecca Tillery represented the respondent. To view a video of the argument, click here.

• The rights and obligations to property by either party

• The right to buy, sell, use, transfer, exchange, abandon, lease, consume, assign, create a security interest in, mortgage, encumber, dispose of, or otherwise manage and control property

• The disposition of property on separation, marital dissolution or death

• The modification or elimination of spousal support

• The making of a will, trust or other arrangement to carry out the provisions of the agreement

• Ownership of a life insurance policy

• Choice of law governing the agreement

• Any personal matter not in violation of public policy or criminal statutes

• Waiving of homestead rights

• Providing income from all separate property to remain separate

– Excerpted from Protecting Your Assets From A Texas Divorce by Ike Vanden Eykel, Rick Robertson, Heather King, Charla Bradshaw (PSG Books 2009).

Dallas divorce attorney Karen Turner reacts to increases in the rate of “grey divorce” by baby boomers and older adults with a story about a client who decided that he should have happiness after six decades of marriage.

A study from the National Center for Family & Marriage Research at Bowling Green University finds that the divorce rate for those over 50 has more than doubled over the past three decades, and it’s expected to increase as more boomers reach retirement age.

More than one in four people who divorce today are over 50, according to the center, and roughly half of those who divorce are for the second or third time. Traditional views and expectations of marriage and family have changed over the decades, mostly due to expanded education and employment opportunities for women reducing the role of economics in keeping the family together.

Center researchers also found that the avenues for finding a new mate have greatly increased because of Facebook and other social relationship platforms. For baby boomers (those born between 1946 and 1964), empty nest syndrome can wreak havoc on the marriage, with one or both parties feeling they have fulfilled their obligations to the family when children are grown and now it’s time to get out there and find a better partner.

Fuller is managing partner in the Dallas office of KoonsFuller, the largest family law firm in the southwest. He is regularly selected one of the Top 100 Attorneys in Texas (Thomson Reuters) and one of the Best Lawyers in Dallas (D Magazine). He is board certified in family law by the Texas Board of Legal Specialization.

After more than a quarter century in publication, Best Lawyers is designating “Lawyers of the Year” in high-profile legal specialties in large legal communities. Only a single lawyer in each specialty in each community is being honored as the “Lawyer of the Year.” Fuller was selected the top Best Lawyers Family Law Lawyer of the Year in 2009. This is the first year Best Lawyers has chosen a top family lawyer and collaborative law lawyer for Dallas.

Best Lawyers compiles its lists of outstanding attorneys by conducting exhaustive peer-review surveys in which thousands of leading lawyers confidentially evaluate their professional peers. The current, 18th edition of The Best Lawyers in America (2012) is based on more than 3.9 million detailed evaluations of lawyers by other lawyers.

Denton, Tx — (DENTON BUSINESS CHRONICLE) — Increasing fairness in divorce is the goal of Denton family law attorney Charla Bradshaw. That’s why she lobbied for changes to the Texas Family Code that went into effect this year.

A recent business column in The Dallas Morning News identified Bradshaw as the driving force behind changes to the alimony statute, which joined laws governing mistaken paternity and economic fraud as changes made by the Texas Legislature to the Texas Family Code.

“These changes bring us up to speed with other states,” Bradshaw told columnist Cheryl Hall with regard to the alimony statute. “Some states leave them up to the discretion of the judge. I’m happy how far we’ve come from where we were.”

Bradshaw is one of the best-known family lawyers in the Metroplex and a managing partner of KoonsFuller, the largest family law firm in the southwest.  She has been selected one of the Top 50 Women Attorneys in Texas (Thomson Reuters 2005) and one of the Best Women Lawyers in Dallas (D Magazine 2010).

During the last session of the Texas Legislature, Bradshaw served on the legislative committee for the family law section of the State Bar of Texas.  She helped write the alimony legislation, testified before lawmakers and lobbied for the bill’s passage.

“Alimony’s been the red herring, the white elephant, the 600-pound gorilla that no one wanted to bring up,” says Bradshaw, who in her 18 years as a divorce attorney has seen way too many clients get the short end of the stick when it comes to income after the divorce. “I just jumped out there and did it.”  Prior to this change, the alimony statute, known as “spousal maintenance,” was so anemic that it was rarely used.

Without Bradshaw’s leadership, Texas might have continued to languish in the backwaters of spousal support, says fellow legislative committee member Kathy Kinser.  “We had one of the worst alimony statutes in the country.  To say that Charla was passionate about changing that is putting it mildly.  She, pretty much on her own, researched all 50 states’ alimony statutes, did a complete overview for the committee and made suggested changes.”

The new legislation might have died in committee if Bradshaw hadn’t lobbied other leading family lawyers for their support.  The changes were included in the family law section package and were passed into law with surprisingly little legislative debate.

Overview of Recent Family Law Changes

Alimony

• The statute is gender neutral.
• The maximum amount of “spousal maintenance” was increased from $2,500 a month to $5,000 a month, or 20 percent of gross earnings (whichever is less), to provide for a spouse’s “minimum reasonable needs.”
• When a spouse or child is a victim of family violence, the spouse is eligible for maintenance for up to five years if he or she lacks sufficient property to provide for minimum reasonable needs.
• A spouse is eligible for maintenance if the spouse is unable to earn sufficient income to provide for the spouse’s minimum reasonable needs because of an incapacitating physical or mental disability.
• A spouse is eligible for maintenance if the spouse is the custodian of a child of the marriage of any age who requires substantial care and personal supervision because of a physical or mental disability that prevents the spouse from earning sufficient income to provide for the spouse’s minimum reasonable needs.
• A spouse who has been married for at least 10 years and lacks sufficient property and earning ability can also seek maintenance.
• If a couple has been married for at least 10 years but not more than 20 years, the spouse asking for maintenance support may receive it for up to five years.
• If the couple was married for at least 20 years but not more than 30 years, the duration of maintenance is no more than seven years.
• If the couple was married for 30 years or more, the spouse seeking maintenance may receive it for up to 10 years.

Economic fraud

• This law addresses a fairly common practice of one spouse hiding, wasting or causing damage the community estate.
• It allows the court to recalculate the estate as if the fraud had not occurred and then divide the reconstituted estate as community property.
• The court can also award the wronged spouse a money judgment or award monies to remedy the fraud.

Mistaken paternity

• Under this legislation, a man who finds out he is not the biological father and was lead to believe that he was the child’s biological father based on misrepresentations by the mother that led him to that conclusion can file to terminate the parent-child relationship between he and the child.
• If the court determines he is not the biological father his future child support obligation stops immediately, except for unpaid child support would remain due, but under the Texas Family Code he cannot recoup any payments made in the past.
• A judge may grant visitation rights to a man who seeks it, even if he is not the biological father, if his absence will cause mental harm to the child.

– Denton Business Chronicle